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The Core Terror of a Woman

April 2, 2014

“The core terror of a woman is invisibility, the fear that no one will see something in her that they want. An authentically feminine woman is so at rest in God’s delight in her Spirit–provided indestructible beauty that she refuses to be a slave to her ongoing fear of invisibility. She so fully enjoys the beauty of the God whose love casts out the power of her fear that she relates for one supreme purpose: to draw others to be consumed by the transforming beauty of the God who her relational femininity can put on display.”

Question for Reflection:
As a woman, where do you see the terror of invisibility generating a strong desire to “manage” your relationships?
As a man, what happens in you when a woman tries to “manage” your relationship?

The Gender Question, An 11-week DVD Series
Based on the book Fully Alive by Dr. Larry Crabb
To Purchase:

  1. Caroline permalink

    Wish you hadn’t set the bar so high that I’m doomed to be “unfeminine” forever!! Who is this “authentically feminine” woman at rest in God’s love that you talk about anyway…

    From the moment I start hiding under make up in the morning to the moment I hide under the blankets at night I am trying to manage how I am “seen” by others. The problem is we really are judged by appearances.

    I try to teach my little daughter about “real beauty” and finding our security in God alone. But all day long I am called a liar by our culture, even (and at times especially) by the church. “Oh your husband broke his sacred vows? Well what did you expect? You should have lost weight/got a boob job/dyed your hair/dressed a bit edgy…”

    And men respond so favorably to this kind of visual “management” it takes a whole recovery movement to give them “tools” and “weapons” enough so they won’t be managed right into disease, bankruptcy, divorce court, prison…

    It cant just be to attract people to you…that can’t possibly be the point of all this.

  2. You are exactly right. The point of all this (life, relationships, impressions, et. al.) isn’t to attract people to you. That’s futile, as you already attested. But do we, women and men alike, really focus on how GOD sees us? He sees us through the eyes of the one who created us (and He doesn’t create junk). He sees us through the eyes of One who died for us so we could be His children. He sees us through the eyes of grace. He loves us just the way we are, flaws and all.

    In this world, we can never be young enough, thin enough, attractive enough, smart enough, rich enough, well-spoken enough, savvy enough, creative enough, tough enough (need I go on?). The world’s standards are unachievable by anyone. Otherwise, why would many 20-something Hollywood stars already be alcoholics, drug addicts, suicide prone, publicity seeking, insecure people whose lives are disasters?

    But God’s grace is so totally different. I didn’t earn my salvation and acceptance by God by the way I look or by being spiritually “cool.” There wasn’t ANYTHING I could do to earn my way into a relationship with God. All I had to do was put my faith in Jesus. And here’s the thing I really can’t humanly understand. He accepts me, loves me, and is drawn to me, just the way I am. I didn’t do anything to earn that, either.

    I have a friend who likes to say this to people: “If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.” I’ll never be invisible to God; neither will you.

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